Preservationist

Every season, I seem to catch some key moments with each of my kids that really, really shows just who they are, just as they are, just as I see them, just as my mother heart wishes they could remain just a little longer. But they refuse to stay. They never, ever stay.

And so I am grateful for this age we live in, an age of digital cameras that allow me to take 1000 pictures if I like, and keep tight the best, and not waste time or money on the rest. And I'm grateful for the world of uploading and editing, and saving, and sharing with so much ease.

So I can keep their small hands, their cheeks, their frumpled clothes, their hair just so- and have them near as much as I am able for the future- and go on letting time move swift and smooth, letting them live and grow freely, me following just behind with my camera, and my weak pleading to please, please! could you just stop and stay right now here with me a little longer?!

But I know I can't. And they don't want to. And I know deep down I don't really want them to. We'd miss out on too much.

And each snapshot-slice-of-life can be preserved, cherished, found easily, shared effortlessly. Safe from fire, water, and wind indefinitely. Tucked away until the Return of our Lord on the World Wide Web.

10 Random Things I've Gained In 10 Years

1. A husband sexier than Mr. Darcy.
2. Four children that make me stop and take a minute just to savor a look at them at least once a day.
3. Stretch marks. And larger feet.
4. Confidence.
5. 56 gray hairs, each of which were plucked out immediately upon discovery.
6. A passionate love for Jesus. The kind of love that makes you do crazy things- things you never, ever regret.
7. Perspective.
8. Fashion sense.
9. The ability to cook...anything.
10. Balance.

In the Kitchen With Uncle Jesse.

Get ready. We're going to talk about chocolate today. Oh shoot, I'm not even going to say more than that. Let's just get to the recipe.

Individual Molten Chocolate Cakes (take a minute to sigh, gasp, or exhale if you need to), from The Best Make-Ahead Recipe, from the phenomenal Cooks Illustrated dream team, of course.

First of all, get some ramekins out- if you don't' have any, you should get some. They make anything- pudding, berries and whipped cream, ice cream, anything more special, 'cause it's all individual and exclusive and personal. I love that. Guests love it too, btw. These I got from Target for .50 each while they were in the one spot once. You can get them anywhere, though. None of that I just said about ramekins is in the recipe, mind you, they just assume you've already got them. Or you wouldn't be making individual molten cakes.

Moving on...

Step 1: The first thing you need to do is mix 1 T softened unsalted butter and 1 T cocoa powder together, then brush it evenly to coat 8 ramekins. (I always use a paper towel to kind of smear it on.)

And peeps, I kid you not, the first time I made these I didn't get farther than step 1 before the sight of those chocolate-coated cups inspired an involuntary "Have Mer-cy" from my lips. Seriously. Have. Mer. cy.

Moving on.

Step 2. For the Cake: Chop 8 oz semisweet chocolate (don't cut the step and use chocolate chips! They won't work here!) Melt the chocolate and 8 T (1 stick) of butter in a medium heatproof bowl set over a sauce pan with 1 inch of barely simmering water, stirring frequently until smooth. Take silly pictures of yourself while you're waiting for the water to simmer. Ohhhhhh. Have. Mer-cy.When that's done, set it aside. Then, using an electric mixer, whip 4 large eggs plus one yolk, 1 t vanilla, 1/4 t salt and 1/2 C granulated sugar together at the highest speed until the volume nearly triples, the color is very light, and the mixture drips from the whisk in a smooth, thick stream, 5-10 minutes depending on your mixer.It should look light and thick like the bowl on the left there. Scrape the egg mixture over the chocolate mixture. Make a heart for representin' chocolate love.

Sprinkle 2 T flour over the top of this, then gently fold it all together until it's fully incorporated together, and uniformly colored. It looks like this, and then you ladle or pour it evenly into the ramekins.Here's where they get even BETTER. You can:

A. Bake them now.

B. Cover each individually with plastic wrap and then foil and refrigerate them up to 8 hours, or,

C. Do the wrapping and then FREEZE them for up to one month!

I baked two Friday, one for me, one for the man in my life. I froze the rest. How great are these for pullin' out when people come over?!?! They bake RIGHT OUT OF THE FREEZER!

To serve them: Adjust an oven rack to the middle position. Preheat to 400 degrees. Unwrap the cakes and place on a rimmed baking sheet (do NOT thaw). Bake until the cakes have puffed about 1/2 inch above the rims of the ramekins, have a thin crust on top, and jiggle slightly at the center when you shake them nice and gentle.

If you're baking them right away, it will take 10-13 minutes of bakin'.

If refrigerated, it will take 11-14.

If frozen, it takes 12-15.

Watch them closely! (And why wouldn't you want to?)

While you're waiting for them, and deciding when to lightly jiggle them, brew some coffee and set out some nice plates. This seemed like a good time to use my china, since it's so handy to get now and all... Jim wasn't nearly as blessed by the china as me, but he sure did enjoy these...

To unmold, run a paring knife around the edges first.

Then invert them onto individual plates and let them cool for 1 minute. Realize spoons are better than forks for molten cake and switch utensils, like I did.

OK, back to waiting.... Wait for it.... Waaaait....Whew!

A pickier blogger would have cleaned the plate up around the cake, but I left all the marks from the ramekin there- keepin' it real and all. Go ahead and throw some berries, or whipped cream or ice cream, or powdered sugar on there. And finally, finally, break into that sweet, sweet molten goodness.

Have. Mer-cy.

And you know you wanted it...

The Kids Are At Grandma's, and I'm Getting Some Action.

Photoshop Actions, that is.

What? Oh. You thought I meant....

Have a great weekend, Bloggers and Peeps. Have I told you lately that you're wonderful?

She's Here.

Glory Days

This was not my drink. Alas, it belonged to another.

Last week while talking with friends over a very long and leisurely lunch followed by a very long and leisurely dessert on a beautiful day, I found myself talking about my Glory Days.

Or, rather, the fact that I don't have any. Wait, I do have a point. Keep reading, or just scroll down.

My 10 year high school reunion is this weekend. I'm not sure if I'll say more than that. Ahem.

But in mentioning it, and the feelings about it that, remember, I'm not mentioning here, I explained a little revelation I've had just this past year.

While I was in high school, I thought I was having a fantastic time- woes and lost-ness, and angst and unrequited love, and all. I really did think it was great.

Looking back with my hind's-sighted glasses, I was absolutely miserable. And I was such a complete dork, and so very insecure, and unsure of who I was. And really, it was terrible! Terrible! I can't believe I made it through!

High School was not the Glory Days.

Great as I thought it was, I was of course thrilled to go to college, to move out, move on.

I thought college was fantastic. Not without it's bumps and bruises, and life lessons and 1000 new experiences and all that comes with no more apron strings and the chance to begin again outside of the bubble that was the previous 18 years. Oh, what a time. So excellent.

Oh my WORD, people, I made so many mistakes- small, and very very large! Who was that girl?! I'm ashamed, or at least embarrassed at 75% of the things I was and did and said in just 4 small years. But what big years they were. I sure was thoroughly enjoying it!

Time of my life. At the time.

College was a phenomenal time of foundation-setting for my life. I realized this was God's world, not mine, the Man of My Dreams was dropped in my lap by that same God, and I committed to really, really go and do anything He gave me.

But, oh, no, no. College was not the Glory Days. Precious time. But, Yikes.

I look back on the day we saddled up our horses for the big adventure of marriage, and so soon after, parenthood. I was very aware of the weight and goodness of all we were embracing, and all that it meant, and all the blessedness that it was.

But Oh, peeps, I just cringe at some of the things I thought, said, and did in those first few years or so.

Shoot, I've evolved and evolved and evolved since then, and By George, I cringe at things I did last week.

And here's that point, er, those points, I wanted to meander to:

1. I seem to thoroughly embrace and suck the marrow out of life. Wherever I am. Where I am always seems so very good, better than ever. Like I said, it's always the time of my life. At the time.

2. I seem to be unable to stop making mistakes, hurting people I love and people I don't, and I have a clear talent for saying the most terrible or just ridiculous things I will most certainly regret later.

3. I'm getting somewhere every step and idiotic moment of the way. Believe it or not, I seem to learn something every once in a while. And so far, I haven't stopped learning. Because I'm already correcting yesterday's test and seeing my mistakes.

4. I'm incredibly grateful that I don't live in the rear view mirror, always reminiscing on the day that is past. I see that who I was (however terrible) has moved and grown and bloomed into who I am. And that the old me wasn't all bad, but oh, how I am glad to be here where I am. I'll be thankful for the past, but thankful it's done it's good purpose and that I'm moving on.

No matter how squeamish I am about a reunion that reminds me of all the things I was so happy to leave behind- OK, I went ahead and said how I feel about going- I'll embrace the chance to reconnect with people and memories and places that in one way or another, have something to do with my roots, and who He's made me and is making me to be.

And we'll party like it's 1999, or whatever.

The One who began a good work in me isn't finished yet, and I'll grab on to this good moment He's given me now- and look to the Glory Days I've got coming.

Ebenezer. Jehovah Jireh.

I am waiting to see what comes next.

I won't try to explain

the complexities of this season

or fumble through the words to say

what a rich thing it has been to savor.

Because I never could articulate it.

But the thought of all that is the past,

and all that is now,

and all we have waiting to come

is so sweet, and deep, and good

that no matter what is coming next-

I'm stirred down deep with joy

in the One Who Has Brought Us

and Who Will Provide.

The Not-So-Secret Happenings of a Mom Left Alone

Last Friday night, Jim took the small Kochs to G&G's B&B for the weekend on the fly.

While we were snuggling in the big chair, waiting for dinner to finish being prepared by the Fantastic Dad so we could eat together before they left, the convo went down like this:

Mama: Ladies, I'm going to miss you sooooo much, but I know you're going to have so much fun that I'm glad you get to go.

Grace and Patience: We'll miss you too Mommy!!! (Then there was lots of kisses and such).

Mama: What will I DO the whole time you're gone?!??!

Patience: You could clean! Or move things around in the house! Or you could do something new to the house!

Grace: Or you could go shopping for new things for the house, or maybe make something new for the house. You could do that Mommy! It's always good to do things like that every once in a while! You like to do that!

(Yes. They actually did say these exact words. It went down just like that. How could I forget?)

Apparently, there's no mystery here about what Mom does when she's left on her own...

But just to shake things up from my normal left-alone-routine, I spent all my time eye-high in photography study hall, late, late, late into the night like a mad-woman. So late in fact, that I started having weird revelations, like, when we eventually get a new dog, hopefully far, far in the future (nothin' but love, Bebo and Bacon!) I think it would be brilliant to name him Bokeh.

I mean, at the time, it really did sound just...awesome. Brilliant. It was late.
It's still a great idea.

Signed, sealed, delivered.

My 10-year high school reunion is next weekend.

Now, peacocks and reunions are not really related at all.

But this past week, I was thinking about this fantastic bird at the zoo.

It is so clear that he, and all of nature, is not a complex accident of chance and time, oh no.

Isn't he fantastic?

And he reminded me, as this awkward reminder of my embarrassing growing up years is approaching,

he reminded me of how I discovered that I, too, was no accident.

I never, ever, felt in place. I was keenly aware that I was not completely whole.

I was keenly aware that the religion I had so fully grown up in

had yet to satisfy that deep wound I knew was there.

And when I was sixteen, I began going outside at night.

Freezing cold, or in thickly humid air with the bugs.

Late, late, late at night.

I would just walk and walk and walk the country roads I grew up on.

And at first, I didn't know why I loved it so much.

I just knew that when I was out there, all the other voices went away.

And I was more the me I really was. And I could think.

And over those months, I began to naturally talk to the God I always somehow deeply knew had to be there.

And I talked and talked, and didn't talk, and just enjoyed feeling so small under the high canopy.

But I was feeling more and more sure I wasn't alone.

And I was supposed to be there, taking the grandness in.

And over the next year, as naturally as it could happen, Jesus stole my heart whole.

I found a Bible we'd had for formal reasons at my house, and sat up late one night,

searching the pages randomly, finding the Gospel of John. I'd never read the Bible alone before, no one had shown me how.

And this girl was captivated.

I mean, I was totally in love.

I read the entire book of John in one night, completely absorbed in it.

I couldn't stop.

And so I got one of my own, and couldn't get enough of Jesus.

I mean, I could not get enough. This was no passing phase.

I was signed, sealed, delivered.

And I was happily welcomed in to a circle of other people who were seeking God, too.

Looking back, we were all so very far from perfect- but God used them, and me, anyway.

And when I'm wondering if I will love the right way, or say the best things, when someone is hurting or lost-

I look no further than my own story of God finding me-

to know by faith He'll keep using this imperfect woman,

and keep blessing this imperfect woman, amazingly,

not based on what I do, but on Who He Is.

Years later, Sara Groves released this song, Maybe There's A Loving God.

It always brings me right back to those moments

in the darkness when I found the light.

It so perfectly explains exactly how I felt, and how He rescued me.

Maybe this was made for me • For lying on my back in the middle of a field • Maybe that's a selfish thought • Or maybe there's a loving God • • Maybe I was made this way • To think and to reason and to question and to pray • And I have never prayed a lot • But maybe there's a loving God

Here's an amateur YouTube video, so you can hear it, if you don't already own All Right Here

You, Sir, Are NO Bunny

When you hippety-hop around our yard, and twitch your noses, and look at us with curious-cautious looks, and wiggle your little tails, and lay around in the grass on your back eating long green stems and you bring my children all the delight a wild little nature-creature can bring- THEN you are Bunnies. Sweet little Bunnies.

When you start waiting for that perfect moment right when the future blooms of my red lilies- my BEST FAVORITE flowers- are just nicely formed and getting ready for their big debut- the moment when I guess they are most delectable and flavorful- when you wait for that precise moment and decide the grass is for the birds and you eat MY flowers off- THEN YOU ARE RABBITS. AND I DESPISE YOU. AND IF I SEE YOU OUT THERE AGAIN YOU ARE GETTING A SWIFT FLIP FLOP TO THE HEAD, SO HELP ME RABBIT.

Irish.

Sensitive, Tender, Sweet-Hearted Cream Biscuits.

When you want to add a tasty biscuit to dinner fast, these are fantastic. They only take about five minutes to make, they taste awesome, and they get along nicely with all kinds of dinners, soups, and salads.

Here's the recipe, from America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook:

2 cups all-purpose flour, plus extra for the counter
2 teaspoons sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups heavy cream

Adjust an oven rack to the upper-middle
Heat oven to 450
Line your baking sheet with parchment

Whisk the dry ingredients together
Stir in the cream with a wooden spoon (or your amazing Pampered Chef spatula) until dough forms

Turn it out onto a lightly floured surface (it's sticky!!) and gather it into a ball
Knead it briefly until it's smooth, about 30 seconds
Pat it into a 3/4 inch thick circle
Whenever you're working with recipes like this, work the dough as little as possible! The more you work your flour, the more the protein develops, which makes your end product more and more tough and unruly.
You want sensitive, tender, sweet-hearted biscuits.
So be gentle and speedy.You can use biscuit cutters now, OR, just cut it into 8 wedges with a knife, or your bench scraper. I love my scraper. Use it all the time. It makes working with dough for scones etc so simple, it makes it easy to lift and transfer them to a sheet, and makes clean up simple when your counter is covered in flour. Love you, bench scraper.

Place them on the sheet. You know, I always keep, store, and reuse my parchment when I can. Do you do that? I do.

You could make these ahead and wrap the whole baking sheet in plastic wrap and refrigerate for up to 2 hours, you know, in case you want to be preparedly domestic for dinner, or if people are coming over.Bake until golden brown- watch them close at the end to get them just right! I've burned the edges a few times, while working on other things, and neglecting my biscuits....

If you make these, throw down some quick scrambled eggs you made while they were in the oven, and a bowl of fresh fruit, a cheap and easy dinner is served. We devour these excellent and not-actually-nutritious biscuits like no one's business. You can make them with whole wheat flour too, BTW...but they aren't quite the same. I usually do a little half and half of white and wheat.You can add little things to the mix, like fresh Parmesan cheese and a tad of garlic (mix the minced garlic into the cream before adding it) or 2 T minced fresh herbs like thyme, tarragon, dill, or parsley into the flour mixture, or 1/2 C cheddar cheese shredded and 1/4 t cayenne pepper into the flour mix. If you add cheeses, increase the baking time to 18 minutes.

Whatever you do, do NOT forget to eat them with lots of...

And always let your kiddos lick the...

This. Was. AWESOME!

People, I DIED when I saw this. Did you see this?!?!

Whether you like it or not, or think I'm a complete loser, I have probably seen EVERY episode of Saved by the Bell, INCLUDING the Miss Bliss days, at LEAST 12 times.



Oh, don't you remember Buddy Bands? That cell phone the size of a shoe? (I LOVED that phone!) The Zach Attack? That zit cream that turned everyone's faces maroon? That time Zach liked the girl that he later found out was homeless and he said in his neighborhood, they thought someone was poor if they didn't have cable TV? When Zach played the sacred song on the jukebox while he danced with some other girl to get back at Kelly when she dumped him for Jeff? Screech and Violet? When Lisa crashed her mom's car while they were singing along to "Wild Thing"? That time Jessie got hyped up on speed and flipped out? Remember how they graduated twice....once with Tori and no Jessie and Kelly...then again without Tori and J and K were back...all after being seniors for what seemed like three years... That, BTW friends, is called "The Tori Paradox".

Peeps, I haven't seen this show at ALL in the last 10 years, and I STILL could seriously WHOOP in SBTB trivia. Bring it ON.

7.

It's our seventh year, and from the bottom of my heart, I've never loved you more. It takes work, but really, Babe, it's easy. Thanks for walking with me. It just gets better and better every step of the way.

Happy Anniversary.

Molt-za Ball

Sweet little bird,
We ran out of birdseed two days ago. And so yesterday, all the other birds, those fickle birds, were gone.
You stayed on our deck most of the day, picking up the seeds the other birds carelessly dropped and left behind.
Your feathers look a little funny- OK, really funny. You are molting. You're probably a baby bird trading in fluff for slick, big guy coverage.

Mostly, you look like a giant Moltza-Ball of feathers, covering your tiny, bony body.
You hang out so close to the house it's odd, and you let us get really, really close to you, too.
Like right up next to you.
And you watch us. And instead of flying away, you just waddle a little further over on the deck. And fly when the dogs come out and scare you.

You even hung out on the deck last night for a little siesta.
My mother-heart is just melted by you. All alone, no birdy friends, figuring this stuff out.
You're such a sweet little thing.